Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Letter to the woman considering abortion

To the mother (or father) considering aborting your baby,

This is not an attack. This is not a lecture. This is not a letter to tell you how selfish and horrible you are. This is a plea. I'm pleading with you like I would plead with a man holding a gun and pointing it at my own children. Yes, it is that dramatic and it is a child inside your belly. It may be tiny and you can't tell that it's even there. It may be five pounds and kicking your bladder all night long. Either way, it is your child and it is fully dependent on you. The law recognizes this. If a man shoots and kills a pregnant woman he is charged with two counts of murder. Here's an example of this just happening a few days ago:

I recently read an article raising the question of whether or not it is morally right to post your baby's pictures on Facebook and other social media. The writer of the article was presenting the idea that the baby, no matter how young, has rights and parents are violating those rights by making the decision to post pictures of their babies. I'm not going to address that particular issue, but it is plain that most of the world acknowledges that a child has rights, no matter the age. It also acknowledges that, as parents, we have the very important job of protecting the rights of our children. We are their advocates. Everywhere we go - as we hold their hands crossing the street, translate their toddler jibberish for strangers in the grocery store, display their coloring pages on our fridge, carry them in our bellies for nine long months -  we are their caregivers, representatives, protectors, fully and completely responsible for their well-being.

That all sounds sweet and romantic, but it is hard not to get hung up on the doubts and questions and fears. I had those with my first child who was a complete surprise to my husband and I. Even within the comfort of my own home with a steady paycheck and a loyal husband, I was, at times, terrified. Yes, I was scared of how I was going to take care of and raise a baby and all the usual fears that a mother and father have. But I was often more afraid of how I was going to give up my time, my future, my list of things I still wanted to do, my life. The moment I became pregnant that is what I was asked to do. To give up my life. And that's what the world gets hung up on. Should we really ask women to give up their life just because there is a life inside of her? Shouldn't the life that just got started be snuffed out before we are able to see it's face and really have to think about what we're doing? Doesn't the mother's life, which is already in full swing, matter more than the tiny life that is still slowly growing? The mother will be losing so much more than the child, won't she? She'll be losing her freedom to drink, to smoke, to party, to go to college, to vacation on the beach, to have enough money to buy that hat she had her eye on. I'm not making this stuff up. These are reasons given by women who decided to abort their babies and they may be running through your own mind, even if you don't want to admit it. You, the terrified, lonely mom. You are already a mom. Most people acknowledge this fact as well. Go to the greeting card section of any drug store and find the "Expectant mother" section. You'll find all kinds of phrases like "Congrats Mommy!" and "I'm growing a human. What did you do today?". A human, not a fetus. Call up Kate Middleton and she'll tell you whether the world thought she had a "fetus" inside of her or a "royal baby".

It's a baby. It comes with lots of responsibility and lots of fears. It will ruin all your plans and keep you home on nights when you wish you were out. But it will give you more joy than any degree, any boyfriend, any string bikini and any margarita could ever give. I mean it - go ask people on the street or in a store if they have kids. Ask them if those kids have given them joy. They might say "Yes, but plenty of headaches, too." Or "Yes, especially when they're out of the house." We're all realistic about how difficult it is to raise a person. No one sugar coats that and no one is going to tell you it's a piece of cake. But neither is grad school and that's what a lot of women "choose" over parenting.

You do have a right to choose. Everyone has a right to choose. I have a right to choose whether I'm going to go on a shooting spree today or not. I have a right to choose whether or not I'm going to sit quietly and watch women abort, kill, dispose of their babies or stand between them and the innocent and beg that they reconsider. It's all I can do, but I think it would be wrong not to try. Your baby is counting on you even if he or she doesn't realize it. Even my own six-month-old does not realize she depends on me to keep her alive. She just knows that I do. She sees me and smiles because she knows I feed her, I cuddle her, I tickle her until she laughs. She never has to question whether I'll take her to the doctor if she gets sick or strap her into her car seat when we go to the store. She can't comprehend any of those things, but if I marched up to a clinic and handed her over saying, "Dispose of this somehow because I am not ready for this much work" I would be thrown into jail before you can say "Planned Parenthood". Why? Because she's a life. She's a little life just like she was a year ago in my stomach, only 12 weeks old. Defend this life inside of you, whether it appeared on accident or not. Accidents happen. Two-year-olds have dressers fall on top of them and suffer serious brain damage. Parents do not deal with accidents by giving up and saying it's too much to handle or too much of an inconvenience and neither should you. Take a deep breath, swallow those fears and stand up for your child. Reach out to a Crisis Pregnancy Center near you that will help you through your pregnancy and birth. Give a WIC (Women, Infants, Children) center a call and get registered to help you get what you need financially. They give you breastfeeding classes, discounts on baby supplies, food, encouragement, etc. Call someone you know who has a baby and ask them to help you through this. Any woman that has had a baby knows the difficult times and the wonderful times and you won't feel so alone going through it with someone who understands. Write me a message and I'll help you in any way I possibly can. Just don't pull the trigger. Don't value your life more than your child's. Don't choose to just push out of your mind what your baby is going through when you walk into an abortion clinic and let them tear the limbs off of your baby, literally. You are a mother and that is not what we do. We love our babies because it is a privilege to have such an amazing life in our hands, no matter the cost. You will never, ever regret it and I can promise you that.

Fellow mother, protector and friend

Baby at 9 weeks pregnant

Baby sucking thumb at 20 weeks pregnant

Baby at 23 weeks pregnant

Abortion procedure at 9 weeks pregnant

Abortion procedure at 23 weeks pregnant

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