Kids, military and Washington

Here are my main points for this post: I love my kids. I love the military. I do not love Washington.

I love my kids. I went through a few months where I had a hard time taking as much joy in my work as a mom as I normally do. I'm still not sure all the reasons why, but it was mostly because I was not relying on the Lord like I should have. I was getting bogged down with self-pity, exhaustion and longing for the freedom I used to have before my days of motherhood. It was pure selfishness. I think everyone has those moments in whatever they do, but I let it consume me for a while. Maybe this is getting too personal for a public blog, but I am happily back to where I need to be. For a long time one of my favorite verses has been Psalm 51:10-12. I memorized it a while ago because of the worship song and it's one of those passages that just comes back to me all the time. I'm not even a huge fan of the tune it was given, but it frequently gets in my head without me realizing it. This happened to me when I was still in the middle of my "selfish phase" and the line "restore to me the joy of Your salvation" hit me harder than it ever has before. Yes, I need a clean heart and a right spirit, but I also need to take joy in the fact that I am saved. Even if I'm going about my motherly duties like I should, doing it grudgingly makes it almost futile. Same goes with almost anything. If I go through the motions without taking joy in my work, my family, my salvation then it's all just a waste of time in a sense.

So, I'm now much more joyful. I still have my hard days, of course; my self-pitying, short-tempered, self-centered days. But the Lord has made me more aware and I'm much more willing to listen. I never stopped loving my kids, but I love mothering my kids even more now. I can't explain the enthusiasm I get when I'm able to teach them something new. You could make an SNL skit out of it. Annie recently learned how to say "bye" (well, it's more like "baaaa", but I think that sounds better anyway) and I pretty much lost my mind. When Will saw how excited I was he started running around screaming "Bye! Bye! Bye!", hoping for the same reaction. Naturally, I couldn't disappoint him.

I love that he loves animals like I do. He has such a passion for learning anything and we take advantage of it whenever we can. My favorite place to teach him anything is outside, which is one of the reasons I struggle with Seattle (but I'll get to that later). He's hesitant to do anything that gets him messy, which usually means I have to get messy myself to show him how fun it is. I'm not gonna lie - I've spent some time splashing in mud puddles like an idiot until he joins me. I did a little damage the other day, however, when we went outside to look for worms after it rained. When I turned my back he found a particularly large, juicy dead worm and excitedly shoved it in my face to show me. I screamed and ran away which made him cry and that was the end of worm hunting.

He's been coming out with so many unexpected comments too. As we were pulling out of the driveway the other day and I started driving down the street without closing the garage he yelled "Mommy close the garage!". It may sound like nothing, but it floored me how aware he was of something like that. We've never talked about or explained to him that we need to close the garage when we leave the house, but it's one of those things he's silently observed from his little car seat in the back. And now he's finally vocal enough to tell me about it and many other things too. It's so interesting and helpful that he can explain some of his emotions to me now. He can tell me that he gets nervous when his room is too dark or that when kids on the playground run by him really fast sometimes he gets scared. He can also tell me how much fun he has at playgroup and that he misses Daddy when he goes to work. These are all things that have been floating around in his little mind for a while now and I've been dying hear about.

Annie is our sweet little screamer. I have never seen such a sweet little girl with such a set of lungs. She really has no "in-between". She is either all smiles or screaming bloody murder. Thankfully, the former is 90% of the time when she's her normal self and we can't get enough of her. She's also understanding so much more and able to play with Will, which is fun for both of them. They play chase, roll balls back and forth, dance together to Daniel Tiger and laugh hysterically in the bathtub while splashing each other. They can't wait to see each other in the morning and Will is completely irritated if Annie is still napping when he gets up from his afternoon nap.

I love the military. I really do. We're coming up on four years that Andrew's been in and about three and a half that we've lived in Silverdale. I was thrilled from day one that I was marrying a military man. At that point I had very little understanding of anything military, let alone the Navy, but I looked at them like a little boy looks at firefighters. They are heroes - celebrity level. And my husband was going to be one of them. I have a more personal view of the military and its members now, but my thoughts on their heroism has never changed. I still know nothing compared to the average military wife, but I look forward to learning more and becoming more involved for as long as we decide to stay in. And for those who are wondering, we have no idea how long that will be. I'm thankful for a husband that does not make rash decisions. He takes things a step at a time and never assumes anything. I did not realize at first just how necessary that is in a leader of a family.

But for now, I love living on base. When we hopefully move to Charleston in a couple months we will not be living on base. Even the base housing is there is not gated like it is here, but we will most likely be renting a house out in town. When I started thinking about that realistically I became so aware of the security I've felt living on this base. I was driving the other day with the kids and saw a whole line of Humvees and BearCats driving down the road. I immediately felt that much safer and that much prouder. I love that I'm forced to be reminded every day of the hard work these people are doing to keep us safe. It's in my face at all times. Most Americans don't get that. I'm convinced more and more that most people rarely think about it or come close to appreciating it like they should. No matter your political view or moral issues, understand the fact that if these men and women one day decided not to show up to work then your life as you know it is over. Don't forget about that sacrifice just because most of it is happening thousands of miles away. And appreciate the ones that are here on American soil defending and preparing. But I digress.

I do not like Washington. Some people are baffled by this and even a little hurt by it and I really do understand why. This area of the country is gorgeous. There are no two ways about it. If and when the sun comes out and you see those snowcapped mountains on one side and the sparkling Puget Sound on the other it absolutely takes your breath away. If you're looking for a place to take a summer vacation you cannot beat it out here. So there we go. But…

It's too quiet. You can hear a pin drop at night and I do not like that. I need crickets and frogs and cicadas singing me to sleep. I need kids running around the streets playing hockey. The people are quiet. Maybe it's the base or the weather, but I've heard it's mostly the area - these are not social people. Everyone seems to be hiding away in their dens hibernating even in the summer. Now it's rare that you meet someone that is downright rude like many Philly people. Washingtonians are mostly cordial and will help you if need be, but then they're going to run back inside and close and lock the doors. This doesn't go for every person, of course, but most just like their space. They want their alone time and a lot of it. I understand and I don't hold it against anyone, but it's not my thang. I like my space, but I also love my friends. I love going to a new church and having twelve different people invite me over for lunch. I love having five different playgroups to choose from where I get ten more invitations to Stroller Stride, yoga class, a random kid's birthday party. I love walking outside and not feeling like I'm overstepping my bounds to wave at a neighbor. Heck, I'd even settle for just knowing their names. Admittedly, it also has something to do with my lifestyle right now. I'm a stay-at-home mom sharing a car with her Navy husband. This does not spell social butterfly. But I also know it's not all in my head since I've frequently heard the term the "Seattle freeze". Google it. It's real. My days are quiet and my nights are eerily silent even with the window open. I miss the noise. Aside from the people I love who live there I will never call myself a fan of the city of Philadelphia, but I will say one thing; they acknowledge your presence even if it's just to tell you to move out of the way or shut the bleep up. And that's alright by me.

To my teenage daughter

A little background: This is the first draft of a letter I plan to give to Annie and any other girl I may have when they become a teenager. As I said, I am under-qualified to write this, but I want to get down some of my thoughts about the teen years before they become too blurry. I'm sure I will edit and add to this over the years as I continue to learn and mature in faith, but you have to start somewhere.


Dear sweet daughter,

To be honest, I don't feel qualified to write this letter and maybe I'm not, but there are some things I want you to know about being a teenager while it's still clearly in my memory. Only six years separates me from my thirty-year-old self and my eighteen-year-old self, freshly graduated from high school. As a stay-at-home mommy of two I feel a little caught in the middle sometimes. There are still many childish things about me and I'm painfully aware of the immaturities that have hung on all these years. I still cringe sometimes when I hear myself say something I know I shouldn't or throw an internal fit that would put my "terrible twos" son to shame. But I also count each gray hair that sprouts on my head (I guess if I can still count them then that's a good sign). I look in the mirror each year and watch the shadows under my eyes get a little darker. I feel the weight of the worries of this adult world and wonder if it was really only four years ago that I was still a teenager myself.

I've learned some, but not even close to all the things I should from my teenage years. As I look back at my old self now the thing that reaches up and punches me in the face the most was my obsession with myself. It's not an uncommon thing to notice in people, children, but especially teens. The world tells you it is all about you. Even your teachers drill it into your brain that you need to make good grades so than you can go to college and get a degree and make lots of money to take care of yourself. Good grades are good. Going to college is great. Getting a good job is fantastic. Having enough money to provide yourself and others is quite handy as well. Clarence, the angel from It's A Wonderful Life, tells George Bailey that there is no money in heaven. "Well, it sure comes in handy down here bub", George replies. There is nothing wrong with having money, but that is not why you're going to school and doing the best you can.

School is your task that God has given you right now. We all have tasks at different times of our life and it is our duty to the Lord to complete that task as best we can. No questions asked. As parents we encourage you and enforce rules about school as servants of the Lord. We are given the task to be sure our children do what they are told to the glory of God. When you graduate high school God will have a new task for you. It may be college or missions work or sweeping the floor of a mall. Whatever task He gives you it will be perfect for His plan and you will finish it with flying colors because He gives you the strength to do so. Do not listen to the world when they tell you that your number one concern should be yourself. Do not buy into the idea that your purpose on this earth is make yourself as happy as possible. You are here to serve others and serve the Lord. That is your purpose and God will reward you with joy much deeper than what you feel when that cute boy smiles at you.

In my junior year of high school, Facebook hadn't quite exploded like it later did and MySpace.com was still the thing. It was similar in that you could make your own profile and post pictures. That year I had two good girlfriends and the three of us were inseparable for a while. One day I decided to post a picture of myself (or a "selfie") on my account. I did what most girls do - took a few pictures while making various pensive and borderline seductive faces and edited it with different effects to make myself look as pretty as possible. Once I was satisfied I made it my profile picture. I checked back later to find lots of likes and comments telling me how great I looked, including some good-looking guys from school. Although I knew my two friends had seen the picture, there wasn't a word from any of us about it the next day at school, which was not unusual. However, that next night I logged on MySpace to find two new heavily edited profile pictures from both of them as well with plenty of complimentary comments and likes. It was remarkable how quickly my self-confidence went down as I watched the number of compliments they got match, and even exceed my own. We all later admitted that we checked back at all three pictures regularly to see who had the most likes and comments. Sick, right? I formed a silent competition with my friends over looks. Not enemies; not that girl in class that all the guys like and you just can't stand it. These were my good friends and we were evaluating our own worth in the most superficial way possible. We were hoping against hope that we would be voted the prettiest and the most desirable and if we weren't, it was crushing.

I say this not to make you lose even more respect for me, but in hopes that you'll understand how easy it is to fall into this self-centered pitfall. It is all around you every day. I'm not writing this to put an end to "selfies", but I am asking that you and every other female out there be real with themselves about what they are doing when they take a picture of themselves to post to Facebook, Instagram, text to their friends, etc. Ask yourself why you are doing that. Is what you are doing bringing glory to God or glory to yourself? Are you seeking approval from others? Are you relying on your own physical beauty to give you the self-worth you're searching for? Proverbs 5:6 says, "[Folly] gives no thought to the way of life; her paths wander aimlessly, but she does not know it." Do not make the mistake of choosing to be naive and oblivious to your own selfishness. That's what fools do and you are not foolish. Make the decision to fess up and fix it. We are all prone to wander and inclined to think of ourselves first. We all need to end the day on our knees asking the Lord to forgive us for all the ways we honored ourself that day. If you can learn to do that as a teenager it will only get easier. Self-centeredness is a habit-forming drug. It feels good and it's addicting to take care of ourselves. It feels right because everyone else seems to be looking out for themselves, so why should we put them first? What's the use in serving all of these selfish people? Learn to be a light and others will see the greatness of God in you. Your friends, your teachers, your future husband will look at you with more awe than they ever had when they saw that picture of you in your new cute dress. You will be establishing a habit that is absolutely vital to have as you walk through life as a christian woman.

It is a difficult road and you will be tested at every turn. Many folks will be determined to pull you down into the mud, but your God never gives you more than You can handle. He will be your strength and will hold you through every mean comment you receive, every friend you lose, every boy that rejects you, every party you miss. He will never leave you and will praise you for your steadfast faith in Him and determination to put others before yourself. And maybe you will escape your teen years with a few less regrets than your dear old mom.

I love you, sweet girl, and am praying for you always.

Mommy

Letter to the woman considering abortion

To the mother (or father) considering aborting your baby,

This is not an attack. This is not a lecture. This is not a letter to tell you how selfish and horrible you are. This is a plea. I'm pleading with you like I would plead with a man holding a gun and pointing it at my own children. Yes, it is that dramatic and it is a child inside your belly. It may be tiny and you can't tell that it's even there. It may be five pounds and kicking your bladder all night long. Either way, it is your child and it is fully dependent on you. The law recognizes this. If a man shoots and kills a pregnant woman he is charged with two counts of murder. Here's an example of this just happening a few days ago:

Pregnant Woman Killed

I recently read an article raising the question of whether or not it is morally right to post your baby's pictures on Facebook and other social media. The writer of the article was presenting the idea that the baby, no matter how young, has rights and parents are violating those rights by making the decision to post pictures of their babies. I'm not going to address that particular issue, but it is plain that most of the world acknowledges that a child has rights, no matter the age. It also acknowledges that, as parents, we have the very important job of protecting the rights of our children. We are their advocates. Everywhere we go - as we hold their hands crossing the street, translate their toddler jibberish for strangers in the grocery store, display their coloring pages on our fridge, carry them in our bellies for nine long months -  we are their caregivers, representatives, protectors, fully and completely responsible for their well-being.

That all sounds sweet and romantic, but it is hard not to get hung up on the doubts and questions and fears. I had those with my first child who was a complete surprise to my husband and I. Even within the comfort of my own home with a steady paycheck and a loyal husband, I was, at times, terrified. Yes, I was scared of how I was going to take care of and raise a baby and all the usual fears that a mother and father have. But I was often more afraid of how I was going to give up my time, my future, my list of things I still wanted to do, my life. The moment I became pregnant that is what I was asked to do. To give up my life. And that's what the world gets hung up on. Should we really ask women to give up their life just because there is a life inside of her? Shouldn't the life that just got started be snuffed out before we are able to see it's face and really have to think about what we're doing? Doesn't the mother's life, which is already in full swing, matter more than the tiny life that is still slowly growing? The mother will be losing so much more than the child, won't she? She'll be losing her freedom to drink, to smoke, to party, to go to college, to vacation on the beach, to have enough money to buy that hat she had her eye on. I'm not making this stuff up. These are reasons given by women who decided to abort their babies and they may be running through your own mind, even if you don't want to admit it. You, the terrified, lonely mom. You are already a mom. Most people acknowledge this fact as well. Go to the greeting card section of any drug store and find the "Expectant mother" section. You'll find all kinds of phrases like "Congrats Mommy!" and "I'm growing a human. What did you do today?". A human, not a fetus. Call up Kate Middleton and she'll tell you whether the world thought she had a "fetus" inside of her or a "royal baby".

It's a baby. It comes with lots of responsibility and lots of fears. It will ruin all your plans and keep you home on nights when you wish you were out. But it will give you more joy than any degree, any boyfriend, any string bikini and any margarita could ever give. I mean it - go ask people on the street or in a store if they have kids. Ask them if those kids have given them joy. They might say "Yes, but plenty of headaches, too." Or "Yes, especially when they're out of the house." We're all realistic about how difficult it is to raise a person. No one sugar coats that and no one is going to tell you it's a piece of cake. But neither is grad school and that's what a lot of women "choose" over parenting.

You do have a right to choose. Everyone has a right to choose. I have a right to choose whether I'm going to go on a shooting spree today or not. I have a right to choose whether or not I'm going to sit quietly and watch women abort, kill, dispose of their babies or stand between them and the innocent and beg that they reconsider. It's all I can do, but I think it would be wrong not to try. Your baby is counting on you even if he or she doesn't realize it. Even my own six-month-old does not realize she depends on me to keep her alive. She just knows that I do. She sees me and smiles because she knows I feed her, I cuddle her, I tickle her until she laughs. She never has to question whether I'll take her to the doctor if she gets sick or strap her into her car seat when we go to the store. She can't comprehend any of those things, but if I marched up to a clinic and handed her over saying, "Dispose of this somehow because I am not ready for this much work" I would be thrown into jail before you can say "Planned Parenthood". Why? Because she's a life. She's a little life just like she was a year ago in my stomach, only 12 weeks old. Defend this life inside of you, whether it appeared on accident or not. Accidents happen. Two-year-olds have dressers fall on top of them and suffer serious brain damage. Parents do not deal with accidents by giving up and saying it's too much to handle or too much of an inconvenience and neither should you. Take a deep breath, swallow those fears and stand up for your child. Reach out to a Crisis Pregnancy Center near you that will help you through your pregnancy and birth. Give a WIC (Women, Infants, Children) center a call and get registered to help you get what you need financially. They give you breastfeeding classes, discounts on baby supplies, food, encouragement, etc. Call someone you know who has a baby and ask them to help you through this. Any woman that has had a baby knows the difficult times and the wonderful times and you won't feel so alone going through it with someone who understands. Write me a message and I'll help you in any way I possibly can. Just don't pull the trigger. Don't value your life more than your child's. Don't choose to just push out of your mind what your baby is going through when you walk into an abortion clinic and let them tear the limbs off of your baby, literally. You are a mother and that is not what we do. We love our babies because it is a privilege to have such an amazing life in our hands, no matter the cost. You will never, ever regret it and I can promise you that.

Fellow mother, protector and friend

Baby at 9 weeks pregnant

Baby sucking thumb at 20 weeks pregnant

Baby at 23 weeks pregnant

Abortion procedure at 9 weeks pregnant

Abortion procedure at 23 weeks pregnant

Our adventures here are almost over

It's strange to think we have less than a year left in Silverdale. Time goes fast when you're busy raising babies. We've started recognizing all of our lasts; our last Easter in Silverdale, our last Memorial Day in Silverdale, our last Viking Day, our last summer (if summer ever decides to show up).

It's pretty obvious to say, but it's so bittersweet. Part of me finds myself looking longingly at the moving trucks that occasionally pull up in our neighborhood for our PCSing neighbors. The other part of me feels my stomach squirm when I think about pulling out on April 1st of next year on the road to who-knows-where. I don't know what type of schedule Andrew will have when we get there or even if we will be able to come with him. Thankfully, these questions should be answered in the next month or so when we pick orders. We are hoping to get stationed somewhere on the east coast this time, but the Navy can obviously do whatever they like with us.

It has really started to hit me recently that it will likely be a long time before I see Andrew as much as I do and will this last few months in Silverdale. He has a fantastic schedule working in the armory on base with a 7-4 workday, weekends and holidays off and only the occasional day "on call". This schedule came just in time right before Annie was born and we have loved being able to get so much Daddy time. His next job description will likely take him away from us much more often, whether that means deployments on a ship or frequent 12-hour posts. He will almost definitely be spending a year away from us overseas in a few years since he is required to do a year "unaccompanied" (away from your family). Most military wives (especially submariners) would be rolling their eyes at me right now since deployments are a fairly regular part of their lives. I know wives my age that have already had to deal with 5+ deployments and are experts on how to get through, so I'm pretty wussy to be whining about the possibility that my husband may no longer have weekends off next year. His absence is something I prepared myself for when we got married and moved out to Silverdale almost three years ago, but once we settled into our nice routine here it's like I forgot that it wouldn't always be this way.

When Andrew reported to this command in September of 2010 he had committed to two years here. We were thinking we wanted to start having kids in about three years. So, if things had gone according to plan (which I'm quickly learning they never do) we would have moved to our second duty station last April of 2012 and would be thinking about trying to start a family this coming fall. Clearly, God had a different plan for our lives since we got extended here for four years and I currently have an almost two year old sitting on the couch behind me watching Sesame Street and a five month old sleeping soundly on the video monitor in the corner of my computer screen. I couldn't be happier that things turned out the way that they did and it's another reminder that I should stop pretending that "I know better". Looking at it that way encourages me that wherever we end up next will be exactly where the Lord wants us and He will work out all those details I worry about perfectly. He will only send Andrew away from our family when I am able to handle that and He will bring him home when I need him. I know I'll learn to depend on the Lord even more through that experience and will hopefully be able to enjoy being closer to our extended family whom we are always missing.

In other news, Will has transferred successfully (and surprisingly easily) to a toddler bed. We tried this process a few months ago before Annie was born, but I put up the white flag after a couple weeks from pure exhaustion from trying to keep him in bed. This time he made two attempts to get out of bed and that was it. No issues since then. The whole "wait until they're ready" rule is sometimes a very good one to follow, which is something we're keeping in mind when it comes to potty training. Will occasionally decides he wants to take off all his clothes and diaper and sit on the froggy potty. In my determination to only have good associations with the potty I'm usually willing to drop absolutely anything to make this happen. Sometimes we "accomplish" something and sometimes we just read some books and kick back and relax for a while. Either way, there is light at the end of the tunnel when it comes to having two kids in diapers.

Annie is also making big strides in the sleep department. She is now successfully sleeping in her crib, which she has been doing for quite a few weeks now, but we had her sleeping on her contoured changing pad for a while to make her feel more cozy. She now has the freedom to roll all over the place in her crib, which she does. She only gets up once per night around 5 am for a feeding and goes back to sleep until 6:30 or 7 when Will wakes up. I am loving this schedule, especially compared to her drama queen brother who took until 10 months to get on such a lovely routine.

Annie is in the 74th percentile for weight and 95th for height. My little five month old girl is currently wearing a size 9 month dress that fits her quite well. She's affectionately known around here as "Thunder Thighs". It's so fun to see the personality differences between Will and Annie. Will, unfortunately, has Mommy's stubbornness and never wants to feel forced into anything. Don't even think about asking him for a hug. He'll come to you when he's ready to hug you. He also developed my bashfulness I had when I was little and hides behind my knee anytime someone looks his way (forget about saying "hi"). A couple weeks ago a little girl in our church nursery sweetly toddled up and gave him a hug. I can't begin to explain the meltdown. You would have that he had just been through the most traumatic experience of his life. The poor little girl stared blankly while I consoled the boy five inches taller than her that she had mistakenly thought could be her new friend.

"Nannie", on the other hand, has never met a stranger. She has recently started noticing a little more if someone other than Mommy or Daddy is holding her and not being particularly happy about it, but other than that she stays chill about pretty much anything. She beams a smile at the checker at the grocery store every week and happily plays with her rattle on the floor without a care in the world. She cries if she's tired or hungry and that's pretty much it. Both of my babies have been very easy, but so far Annie is the "go with the flow" baby and Will is the "fall to the floor if you say hello to me" baby.

One of the reasons I'd rather go to the dentist than the post office

You know when you were younger and someone at school said something mean to you and you just wanted to sit down and cry because it hurt your feelings so much? That's completely normal at five years old, but I was shocked to find this happened to me just a couple weeks ago. It had been a particularly busy day with the kids and I had accomplished almost nothing around the house. Laundry was piled up, dirty dishes were in the sink, the bathrooms were a mess and the floors were hidden beneath a thick layer of dog hair. Andrew gets off work at 1600 (yes, I'm using military time) and the base post office closes at 1630. I had a package I needed to get in the mail that day if it was the last thing I did, so we had to book it to get there on time. I rushed in the door at 1628 right behind another last-minute customer. He finished quickly and I put my package on the counter as I hurriedly taped it up (of course we had run out of packing tape that afternoon). The post office female employee started locking up as I finished taping. When she returned to the desk I said something like, "I'm so sorry for making you stay late on my account". It was now 1630 on the dot.
"Oh, it's okay. It's not like I have a life." I took her sarcastic comment as a self-mocking joke at first and laughed. But as I looked up I realized she was dead serious and definitely not laughing.
"I mean I don't know why people show up at 1630 unprepared," she continued. "But whatever."
My smile faded quickly and I managed an "I'm sorry" as I scribbled the address on the package and handed her my credit card.
"Hurry up," she added. This is when I felt like crying. I know it's silly to take it to heart, but it really brought me back to middle school for a minute. And it eventually got me thinking about the Scripture verse we so often teach to our kids in times like that. "But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven." It's the go-to verse when your kid comes home from school complaining about that mean child in their class who has made it their own goal to make them cry. "Shake it off", we say. "Kill them with kindness". "Be the bigger person". "Love your enemies".
All great advice and very true, but I think as adults we sometimes forget how difficult it is to take that advice in the moment. Most "mean" people we come across now aren't quite as blunt as my post office friend. We like to cut people down with hidden meanings or sarcastic remarks on Facebook. We boast of our incredible parenting skills around the parents of those crazy kids at the playground. We pretend that we're all best friends, but throw in some compliments that are actually insults (I think women are the most guilty of this). "Jane, you must love all of that time to relax now that the kids are off at school! What do you do all day?" AKA I'm jealous of your extra time and would like to make you feel lazy for it. The point is, we've gotten smarter about insulting people since middle school.

But our kids are still stuck in the world where they get an A on a test and the envious kid next to them passes them a note saying they're ugly. That kind of blatant cruelty is shocking, especially for the tender hearts that are still trying to figure out why "i" is before "e" except after "c". The advice we give them is still sound. God will reward us for our kindness, even to those who don't deserve it (do any of us?). But as I walked out of the post office with embarrassing tears welling up in my eyes, I made a mental note to be a little more sympathetic with the "childish" problems that I know Will and Annie will come home with someday. Kindness was definitely not my first thought that day either.

P.S. I got over the whole incident and forgave the post office lady.

What's up with the Matthews these days?

If you're one of the few people asking that question, this post is for you.

Well, we had a baby. I'll tell the labor and delivery story for those who have been asking for it, but I'll try to keep it short for those who don't care.

Early labor started for me on Thursday night, but didn't kick into full gear until early Saturday morning. I knew I wanted to try for a natural birth this time, but when I realized my labor was back labor, I definitely started to doubt that it would be possible. I had heard a few people talk about how much more painful back labor is and they were not kidding. Thankfully, the last part of my labor went extremely quickly and I was able to do it without meds with MUCH help and support from my amazing husband. I am not exaggerating at all when I say I could not have done it without him. Somewhere around 12:30 PM on Saturday I had reached 7 cm and I felt like I needed to push on the contraction after that. I got checked again about five minutes after that and was told I was "almost there". My water broke during the next contraction and less than 30 seconds after that our little girl came practically shooting out. I had her out in about two good pushes and doctors and nurses were scrambling to get things ready. Annie Elizabeth Matthews was 6 lb. 3 oz. and 20 inches long! She has been an absolutely wonderful baby. Her fussy periods are few and far between and she even lets us sleep through the night, feeding only every three hours or so. Will has been a fantastic big brother, usually running over to check on his little sister when she cries and giving her frequent kisses and snuggles. We're convinced we have the best kids in the world.

We had a wonderful visit with my parents this past week. They helped us more than I can say with meals and spending time with both babies, among many other things. It was great to watch them bond more with Will. He officially loves his Mimi and Papo.

Things have been busy around here while we try to adjust to twice the amount of diapers, crying, napping, etc. Andrew's paternity leave ends on Tuesday, so it'll be interesting to see how things go as I learn how to juggle both kids. We will definitely fall into a new routine soon and with how easy Annie has been so far, I don't anticipate major issues. As exhausting as it is sometimes, I can't get over what a sweet and amazing family I have. I really have never been so thankful to be a mommy and I keep thinking of a pin I saw on Pinterest a while back:

"Parenting is the hardest job in the world. It's a good thing my co-worker is cute."

:)

Sunless in Seattle

There were a few times while we were enjoying our vacation in Philly that it was overcast and drizzly outside. It was that kind of weather that makes you want sip some tea and cocoon yourself in blankets the whole day. But I kept wondering what was different about the Philly cloudy days from the famous Seattle cloudy days we so often get. I couldn't put my finger on it. The dreary days set in here while we were gone for our three-week trip, so I hadn't seen the rainy weather that looms in the area for nine to ten months out of the year for quite a while. Well, now that we've returned I've figured it out. In Philly you step outside, look up at the sky and say "Man, it's cloudy". In Silverdale you literally step outside into a cloud. The cloud lives in your front yard. It's usually not really raining, just misting enough to get you irritatingly wet and cold - kind of like those mist machines they put up at amusement parks on hot days that make you look like you have snow in your hair after you walk under them. There's a beauty to the dreariness when you drive up on a hill and see the fog and mist settled deep in the evergreens below, but I rarely drive up on hills so I rarely see the beauty of it.

Our trip to Philly was just what we wanted it to be. It was our longest visit since we moved out here, so we had plenty of time to see family and a few friends. That said, I was amazed by how quickly it went. There were so many people we both wanted to spend more time with and weren't able to. I was grateful for my best friend's wedding, not only because it was beautiful and lots of fun, but I was able to see quite a few people that I probably wouldn't have seen otherwise. It served as a mini reunion for many of us. Andrew was also able to enjoy some much-needed time away from work and a break from being constantly reachable. We both get tired of the 3 AM phone calls for him to unexpectedly come into work or our plans for the day ruined because they need him to come wait for hours to pee in a cup. Personally, I loved having him to myself for a few weeks and knowing the Navy couldn't steal him at a moment's notice.

Baby Girl Matthews is kicking just as much, if not more, than her big brother did and seems to be growing beautifully. I have a pre-natal appointment tomorrow, so I'll have more details then, but there is no question that my stomach has popped more in the past month. I'm finally out of the awkward phase where people aren't sure whether I'm pregnant or still trying to get rid of the baby weight from Will. I haven't gotten many unwelcome belly rubs quite yet (although a random man in the Costco parking lot rubbed Will's head as we passed by the other day, which freaked me out way more). I have a long list of things I'd like to accomplish before the baby is born that I know I won't come close to finishing, so I'm trying to prioritize. Towards the top of the list is my first sewing project with my new sewing machine. I'm going to attempt to make cushion covers for cushions we have in Will's room that will eventually be a little reading nook. I'm not as confident in my skills as I'd like to be, but I'll get there (with help from my wonderful sister-in-law sewing master). I also have all kinds of Pinterest projects I'd love to do for the new nursery, but we'll see how many of those I get to before January.

It's shocking how much faster this pregnancy is going than my pregnancy with Will, mainly because I'm busier, but also because I'm not so paranoid about every little twinge of pain. I feel a little more at ease since I know what to expect and what is cause for concern. Even the fact that I know what labor contractions feel like makes me much less anxious. I was terrified with Will that I wasn't going to realize I was in labor until we were rushing to the hospital at the last second. It turned out my water broke at four in the morning, so I knew what was up. Plus, I now know that labor pains are pretty hard to ignore.

I guess the only other news is we're currently fostering two little kittens that are roughly two weeks old. The shelter said when we took them that we were in charge of naming them, so their names are Cindy and Peggy (sound familiar?). Cindy's a bully and Peggy's a whiner - the kittens, that is. While I'm grateful I agreed to only take a litter of two instead of six, it's really been fun taking care of them. They are still bottle-fed, so I'm remembering what it's like to get up in the middle of the night for feedings. I'm thinking of it as a good way to ease back into the hourly nursing sessions coming my way in a couple months. It's remarkable how quickly you forget... Thankfully, they'll be off bottles in a couple of weeks and we'll probably give them back to the shelter to be put up for adoption at the end of December. It's been surprisingly education, too. Did you know that kittens can't pee or poop on their own until they're a few weeks old and until then the mother cat eats it for them? Welp, I didn't. I'll leave you with that.

A note for my husband

Since I have no other decent outlet to publicly thank and praise my husband, I'd like to do it here.

We just celebrated our second anniversary yesterday and this is a perfect excuse to thank him, which is something I don't do nearly enough. I have a terrible problem with criticism - not only with him, but with everyone. I'm often a female Scrooge who is able to pick out the worst parts of anyone or anything. You can imagine that he receives the worst of it. He, on the other hand, sees the good in almost everything. He's realistic about the evil and rotten aspects of the world, but he tries whenever he can to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, including me. He gives me breaks I don't deserve. He gives me hugs when I'm rude to him. He encourages me when I'm pouting like a child. He never lets me turn out the light until I've given him a kiss goodnight. He rushes home from work to spend time with me when he could go out with friends. He notices the second I seem sad or upset and is never content until he makes me smile again.

On top of that, he shows our son what it means to be a godly man who takes care of his family and fears the Lord. His number one priority is providing and caring for us. He never complains when he gets home from working sixteen hours straight through the night. He shows strength and perseverance in a workplace filled with temptations and stress. He admits when he's wrong with a humility I've never had. But the best way he honors and mirrors Christ is that he loves me when I'm completely unloveable. I often have those critical, naggy, unpleasant days where I'm constantly pointing out ways I think he could be helping me more or putting him down when I should be building up. I step back at the end of the day and loathe my actions, but I'm shocked every time I look at him and realize he's still looking at me like he did on our first date when he fell in love with me. That puts me in my place better than any amount of criticizing ever could. I don't know why God decided to bless me with such a wonderful human being as my best friend, but I'm forever thankful that He did and I'm forever thankful for you, Andrew Matthews. Happy Anniversary and I love you.

"I think about the years I spent just passing through

I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you

But you just smile and take my hand

You've been there, you understand

It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream led me to where you are

Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars

Pointing me on my way into your loving arms

This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you."

(Our first dance at our wedding)

"So I'll offer myself and I'll just give until there's nothing else"

I think enough is happening in our lives right now that it calls for a little family update...

Well, my last post was just six days before we found out we are pregnant with our second munchkin! A little female Matthews will be popping out somewhere around January 20th and we are all ecstatic - except Will, who still gives a confused laugh every time I point to my belly and say "baby". Man, is he in for a shock.

In light of the new member of our family, we are moving to a larger house on base this coming Friday. We were happy to be placed in a house with a much nicer, more open layout and right in the area on base we were hoping for. Things have been quite busy and a bit stressful as we prepare for that move, but I'm happy to be dealing with the craziness at five months pregnant rather than nine. Our landlords require a perfectly clean place in order for us to move out, so I've been scrubbing when I can and packing when I'm not scrubbing. It will be a huge relief when that whole process is over!

An enormous blessing we've received recently is friends from our church (who also go way back with my folks) gave us their car for Andrew to drive to work so that I can keep the Elantra during the day. I can't explain how this will change my life and give me such a new sense of freedom. After two years of working around Andrew's unpredictable schedule and turning down opportunities, I can finally leave the house even when Andrew is at work! Wonderful, wonderful thing and we can't thank them enough for their generosity.

On top of moving, we are also gearing up for a three-week trip to Philly in October. It comes at a perfect time for us, especially for Andrew who really needs some time away from work. His opportunities to take leave are so few and far between that we were elated that they granted him such a long period of time to relax and get refreshed. We will also get to celebrate with my best friend, Heidi and her fiance, Eric, at their wedding while we're home. I am honored to be her Matron of Honor (harharhar) and can't wait to spend a day with her that we've talked about since freshman year in high school when we used to giggle incessantly on our beds and wonder what our futures would look like.

Will is growing like a weed, albeit more vertically than horizontally. His almost fourteen-month-old little legs just recently grew out of nine-month sized pants, so he's still teensy. We've discovered a level of defiance in him that I didn't know could exist at such an early age. I thought throwing fits was something that came after a child learns to talk, which is something he shows little interest in apart from his usual "dada" and "mama". Apparently, I was wrong with this one. He still shocks me every time I tell him "no" on something and he bursts into angry tears and starts smacking whatever he's frustrated with - the door, floor, his truck or me. It's mostly so surprising because he's such a sweetheart the rest of the time. He loves to sit on my lap, especially in the evenings, and give me hugs and kisses on the cheek and carry on a one-sided conversation. Sometimes he runs full-speed into my arms, throws his arms around my neck and lays his head on my shoulder like I'm his favorite person in the world. I know his defiance is just a part of growing up and realizing you don't always get what you want. I also know it's better to learn that lesson sooner rather than later, so for now I'll just see it as a good thing and an indication of how advanced he is in his understanding of life - right?

I'm overwhelmed by how blessed I am every day. Of course, I completely take it for granted more often than I ever should and there are times that the smallest thing makes me feel like life is so hard. The coffee maker breaks, I develop a cold while Will is teething, Andrew gets called into work unexpectedly. It sounds especially silly when I type it out. But then something like a conversation with someone at the grocery store or even a commercial on TV reminds me that I have an amazingly wonderful life and the Lord has blessed me with a perfect family. Not perfect, but perfect for me. It's exactly what I need and want and that's more than I could ever ask for. My job is to take care of the people I love and that's what I want to do. God gave me the job I always asked Him for and it's even better than I thought it would be. No job is without challenges and no life is without heartache, but I learn from it every time. And if I haven't learned yet I know I will.

Prayer

It really amazes me sometimes how little I take advantage of the opportunity to talk to God. Sure, I pray to Him and ask him for things and thank him for my meals, etc. But I don't feel near as honored as I should at the fact that he listens to my words, no matter how self-motivated and arrogant they sometimes are. Comparing it to how infatuated we are by celebrities makes it kind of sick. There are few people in the world who don't have some famous or semi-famous person that they dream of meeting someday. Whether it's a musician, an actor, a writer or a philosopher. I'd give my eye teeth to meet a few celebrities I can think of (Tom Hanks, for one). And I think about if I decided to write Tom Hanks a letter and even if he didn't respond - even if I found out all he did was read it and enjoy it - I would be ecstatic. That Tom Hanks read MY letter and liked it! I'd post it on my Facebook status and obnoxiously rub it in every person's face that I met. Or something like that. And, obviously, you know where I'm going with this. Even though we may not hear God's voice coming right back to us, he listens to every single word we say when we pray to him. It's guaranteed. He promises us in the Bible that if we come to Him He will listen. And He's the Creator of the Universe. He's the biggest celebrity you can possibly think of, as corny as that sounds. I'm just struck with my own stupidity sometimes that I'm not completely humbled and honored every second of every day that my own Lord and Savior listens to my silly worries; that He loves me more than I can imagine that He dries every tear I shed and gently corrects me when I make a mistake. He welcomes me back in His arms even after I've made the same mistake over and over and over again. He even promises me that I can live with Him forever in a sinless, joyful world. As much as I like Forrest Gump and Castaway, not even Tom Hanks can pull all of that off.

So those are my thoughts for today. :)

Dumb Grass

Today is an absolutely gorgeous day. This morning while Will napped I got to read, drink my coffee and watch a cute little bird couple build a nest on our balcony. I hoped we'd have some customers at our new hummingbird feeder, but I'm afraid the little guy that showed up yesterday before the feeder was hung has passed the word to his friends that we're hummingbird haters. Maybe he'll give us another chance.

When the weather is this nice in Seattle it's a crime to not take advantage of it. No, literally the cops will show up at your door and drag you outside to sit in the sun and enjoy yourself. Either that or pay a fine. Anyway, to avoid jail Will and I took a walk to a nearby field on base and spread out a blanket to play and have some snacks. I had visions of him crawling all over the field and the blanket being rather unnecessary, but I was very wrong. It turns out my son has a hatred of grass. It's not just that he would rather stay on the blanket. No, he wants nothing to do with that green garbage and even shivers violently every time his hand comes in contact with it. Being the sweet and sympathetic mother I am, I placed his bag of snacks on the grass just out of his reach and took a video of his attempt to grab it without touching any blades. You can see the extreme shiver of disgust at the end.

Writing this made me realize I use the word "just" too often.

What everyone says is true - babies grow ridiculously fast and change literally by the minute. I'm shocked at how much Will has learned and achieved just over the past couple of months. He took his first steps a couple weeks ago and learned to crawl just yesterday. A little bit out of order, but we were very proud! He hasn't mastered walking more than ten steps on his own yet, so we got him a cute little walker to push around. He practically sprints around the house with a delighted expression on his face every chance he gets. He's also learned how to give kisses and seems to be close to saying "Mama" and "Dada". Andrew and I just melt at the sweet smiles we get from him and the way he grabs our face and looks seriously into our eyes while he babbles. Such a sweetheart.

Andrew had the whole month of March "off"; meaning he didn't have to stand post. He would still go into work on weekdays usually from around 7 AM to 2 PM or so. It was wonderful having him home so much more often and having more freedom to go places as a family.

Will and I took a trip out to Columbus to see Joel and his family at the first of March. Sadly, Kate had to go on a business trip and we weren't able to see much of her, but Mimi and Papo came out for the last couple days and everyone had a blast. Will was fascinated by his silly cousins who kept him fully stocked with baby toys the whole time we were there. It was so sweet to watch the three of them interact. When we returned from Columbus, Andrew's friend, Gerald, visited us for a few days. It was a very happy reunion for the men since, with the exception of a short night at Christmas, Andrew had not seen his best friend since he left for boot camp almost two years ago. 

A couple weeks ago we also had Uncle Jon come to visit. He got a great taste of parenthood when Will got sick with a fever while he was here and cried the majority of the time. Although it may not have been how he was hoping to spend his time here, I was so grateful one night when Andrew had to work until 9:30 and Jon and I took turns walking around and distracting Will while he screamed from a painful sore throat. I think I would have just burst into tears without his help.

We've recently started going to Anchor of Hope Reformed Church in Silverdale. For about a year we had been "church shopping" and had such a hard time finding a place that seemed like a good fit. Every time we thought we found a church where we could feel at home, something would happen to drive us away or convince us it was not the right place for us. There were a few Sundays where we could have gone to church, but didn't, simply because we didn't know where to go. While that may not have been the best decision, it was an extremely frustrating and lonely time for both of us being without any christian fellowship. It became clear to both of us in January that Anchor of Hope was the place we should be. It was one of those decisions that we were both confident was right, but not positive why. Looking back on it now, I'm so thankful we trusted the Lord's guidance on that. The church is small, which has actually been such a blessing. It has a very tight-knit, family feel and the whole congregation has been so kind to us since we started attending. Andrew and I went to a workshop there a few weeks ago called The Art of Marriage, which I highly recommend. Different churches in the northwest (and maybe nationally) have been hosting this video series and it's incredibly helpful whether you've been married one year or thirty years. Andrew and I both walked out with a greater understanding of what our marriage should look like, the purpose it should serve and what our individual roles are. Our marriage has already benefited from that video series and it has been so encouraging to have such a sweet fellowship of believers to meet with weekly. Just finding a church home has personally made my life much happier and less lonely and I'm so thankful that God brought our family there.

Will and I have been taking "swimming lessons" together, which has been a pretty hilarious experience. It's helped him to get accustomed to the water and I've been pleasantly surprised that he hasn't had one meltdown. There is also a one-year-old and an eighteen-month-old in the class who spend the entire time bawling their eyes out. Will stares at them with a concerned look on his face and last week became somewhat of a role model. Every time he did something, their moms told them to do what he did. "Splash the water like the baby does." "Can you kick like the baby's doing?" You can just call him Will, the swimming instructor. He definitely did not take after Mommy in that area. I have a feeling someday he'll have to save me from a swimming pool. Anyway, I'm hoping this fearlessness of water continues and he won't be the one sobbing in a year. Fingers crossed.

I've been looking to find things to get involved in in the area for both me and Will, on and off base. There is a spouse's network in Andrew's battalion that I've been working to get more involved in and a few "Parents and Tots" groups are going to hopefully start from that soon. Will and I regularly attend story time at the local library and I just discovered an indoor playground nearby that I'd like to take him to soon. There is a toddler's music class I'd like to sign us up for in a couple months when he gets a little older as well. He's getting to such a fun age where he really enjoys being out and meeting new people, especially other kids. Plus, I'm in a constant search for other mommy friends, so once we can get a second car we'll be free to explore all we want!

Italy, dolphins and sewing machines

My folks were nice enough to let us take their nice camera back to Silverdale for a while, so I've been having fun playing with it. I thought the above picture summed up nicely what most of our days look like here - rainy and dreary. Makes it hard to get too enthusiastic about Psalm 118:24.

Our trip to Philadelphia was wonderful. We had much more time than our trip last year to spend time with family and a few friends. I was especially excited about how much Will got to see his grandparents, aunts, uncles and even cousins! It was the highlight of our trip that Andrew and I could watch him interact with his relatives. Will was an amazing traveler both ways, but especially on our way there with just me. He must have sensed that he needed to behave in order for me to keep my sanity because he was as good as gold on every flight we took! He was even able to muster up some smiles for Mimi and Papo when they picked us up in Newark at 2 AM. 

It was definitely difficult returning home. Andrew was off to work the morning after we got back and Will was up at 5 o'clock since he was still on eastern time. Of course that was the day the vacuum had to break right after we moved the christmas tree out to the curb. I also came down with the flu. So, I spent a good portion of that week sitting on our couch, armed with tissues and painkillers, picking pine needles out of my socks and wondering what happened to our wonderful vacation. Thankfully, we all adjusted, healed and got back to our normal routine. My parents are currently in Indonesia where my dad is teaching at a seminary in Jakarta. We've been receiving periodic email updates from my mom and it sounds like an amazing (and unusual) experience. I'm anxious for them to get back on American soil and hear more details.

Will seems like a different baby from a couple months ago. He's learned how to roll over both ways, so that's become his means of getting around. It's strange that I can no longer put him on a blanket and expect to find him in the same spot when I come back five minutes later. I can tell he can hardly wait to crawl. His grunts of frustration every time a toy is just out of reach seem to say his motivation is there, he just needs a little more practice and strength. He's also discovered he can scream. Not a sad scream, but just above a squeal of delight. He finds it hilarious to get his voice as high-pitched as possible and I get a kick out of it too - most of the time. He's sitting up on his own for short periods of itme and started solid foods just a week or so ago. So far the pureed peas produce some shivers and gagging (can you blame him?), but applesauce is a definite favorite. Overall, he's been doing well with that big step. Some days he eats a whole jar and some days he just enjoys biting the spoon. Speaking of which, I'm convinced some bottom teeth may be making an appearance soon. His gums are looking whiter and his increased fussiness and gnawing over the past few days are sending a pretty clear message.

For some reason sewing has been on my mind a lot lately. I've wanted to get a sewing machine and learn how to sew for years now, but I see the benefits of it especially now that I have an apartment to decorate and a little boy to dress. I get frustrated every time I see a cute pattern or neat ideas for curtains and have no means to make them! Anyway, that's definitely on my bucket list along with learning Italian and swimming with dolphins.

I think Italy and the dolphins can wait, though.

I'm shedding eyebrow hairs

I suppose it's high time for an update. Will is growing like a weed. He's now in 3-6 month clothing and has grown six inches since birth. Even so, he's in the 18th percentile for weight (definitely nothing new on my side of the family). He's recently started to roll over and seems surprised every time he succeeds. His eyes get wide and he kind of freezes in an awkward position until we smile at him and reassure him it's a good thing that he's learned to do this. He also loves to babble; especially to the animals on his sheets when he wakes from his naps. His ability to sit up is really coming along and I think we may be approaching the wonderful milestone of sleeping through the night.

He had his 4 month appointment this past week, which went very well. Vaccines are next week, unfortunately. Never fun to watch the poor little guy get poked. Andrew and I have enjoyed so much watching him become more and more aware of his surroundings. Sometimes you can just see those wheels turning when he's playing with a toy or listening to us talk to him. Although it's a bit early, we like to enforce "Mama" and "Dada" as often as possible. Hey, you never know! For me, his little laugh is the best part of my day. I completely underestimated how happy it would make me just to hear my little boy cackling and having fun. Much different from when he was a newborn and I was never exactly sure how he was feeling at any given moment except when the crying clued me in.

We are counting down the days until we get to go to Philly for Christmas. Will and I will be leaving on the 18th and Andrew will be coming a few days later on the 22nd, which is the first day he is allowed to leave. I'm anticipating a bit of a difficult trip there since we'll be stopping in San Jose, Phoenix and then flying into Newark to face the drive back to Philly. Definitely not ideal, but the cheapest way to go. Thank goodness for my sweet parents who are willing to pick us up at Newark at 11 o'clock at night. I'm sure there will be some fussy times with Will and we'll both be exhausted by the end of the day, but overall he's a real trooper whenever we have to drag him around places. His one hatred has become his car seat. As soon as he feels those straps click into place it's panic in the streets. It makes me miss when driving around the block used to be the only way to get him to calmly go to sleep.

We'll be staying in Philly until January 2nd. I'm especially looking forward to Will finally being able to meet my two brothers and their families. It's so fun to think about him running around playing with his cousins in just a few short years. We also be having him baptized on New Years Day at my church. And who better to baptize him than his very own Papo?

Some exciting news in our family - Andrew recently got promoted! He is now an E-4 and will be having his frocking ceremony next Friday to get his crows. I'm so proud of him and so blessed to have such a hardworking husband. Speaking of which, he was able to attend the Seahawks-Eagles game recently here in Seattle and help perform the opening ceremonies. He'd been talking about trying to get to that game for months, so I was excited for him that being in the military paid off! Apparently, service members are treated well around there. Him and a friend were able to jump in front of a long line of people outside a local Seattle bar and were given drinks on the house. It's nice to see people showing their appreciation for our guys.

"What ever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord." Colossians 3:23

I hope you don't mind that I put down in words...

...how wonderful life is now you're in the world.

Corny, but true. Our sweet little boy was born on July 28, 2011. The day before (Wednesday) I had gone to the doctor for my 40 week visit (I would be 40 weeks that Friday). He checked to see if I'd made much progress and, to my complete disappointment, I hadn't. He told me he guessed I would need to be induced at 41 weeks, so we got that all scheduled and planned on being back there in about 9 days. 

That evening I decided to take an extra long hard walk just to see if that might make a difference. I had been taking walks pretty regularly, but they got more intense as I started losing my patience to meet our baby. I went to Trident Lake on base and walked around it 4 or 5 times. I remember thinking it was hurting more than usual to walk and I had the feeling that there was a bowling ball between my legs. By the time I got home I collapsed on the couch and complained to Andrew about how sore I was. This was one of our last nights of just hanging out before he went back into the wire to stand posts, so we stayed up until 1 AM or so just watching TV and talking. I remember waking up at 3:45 AM and realizing that I had been dreaming that I was having contractions. It turns out, I actually was. I wasn't positive it was the real thing at first because I had had so many BH contractions and was never sure what to take seriously. I went to the bathroom, came back to bed and woke up Andrew to tell him that I was feeling a lot of pressure and we might need to go to the hospital. He'd heard me say things like that a million times before, so I can't blame him for not taking me too seriously. He told me to let him know and rolled over and went back to sleep. Not 10 minutes passed before my water broke and I flipped the light on to tell him it was definitely time to go. I think he was more flustered than I was at first.

Overall, labor couldn't have gone better. It was long, but I expected that and I ended up being so grateful for the epidural. One of the first things the hospital staff told me was that my contractions would be more intense since my water already broke. After 10 hours of dealing with the pain and finding out I still had 4 or 5 cm to go, I decided I needed to get some rest before it was time to push. Thankfully, the epidural didn't seem to slow anything down and I was complete before the pitocin even started to take effect. I pushed for about an hour and William Andrew Matthews came out at 10:52 PM, happy and healthy. Well, maybe not that happy, but definitely healthy! 6 lb. 10 oz. 19 in. long. 

Since then we've been a happy little family of three. Of course, there have been some times we've wanted to pull our hair out, but that comes with the territory. We had a little scare last month when Will had a fever and had to be admitted to the hospital for four days. Everything turned out fine, but those four days were stressful. They had a very hard time finding veins where they could draw blood and place his IV, so he had to get stuck by needles roughly 15 times. I'll never forget how hard that poor baby cried. He ultimately had to get his IV placed in his head and had to have a spinal tap as well. I was so happy to get him home and am still thanking the Lord that there was nothing seriously wrong with him.

In other news, we found out that our orders here have been extended two years, which means we'll be here until April of 2014 instead of September of 2012, as we originally were told. Our initial reaction was disappointment, but God gave us peace about it since this was clearly Him telling us where we need to be right now. I'm very grateful for a husband who saw the bright side of things and was able to pass those feelings along to me when he delivered that news. Silverdale would not be our first choice of places to live right now, but it's really not about what we want. I know God will bless us here and there are many good reasons to stay, especially with Will in the picture now. 

Will and I are going to start attending a Bible Study Fellowship program through our church. I'm really looking forward to meeting some young christian moms and maybe even finding some future friends for Will, now that I know we'll be here longer! I'm trying hard not to be the paranoid, obsessed mother who is afraid to drop her baby off in the nursery, but, I have to admit I'm failing. The bible study is only a couple of hours, so I know he'll be just fine. The worry that comes with having kids really catches you by surprise.

Our one year anniversary is coming up this Sunday and sweet friends of ours are coming to babysit Saturday night so that we can go out for the first time without Will since he was born. It will be some much-needed time to spend together without spit-up on our shoulders.

Oh, and the cats are good, don't worry.

Yes, I'm still pregnant

39 weeks and one day and still no baby! I've been seeing signs that could mean it'll be soon... or not. We'll just have to see. I have a scheduled induction for August 5th or 6th (most likely the 6th). I'll know next Wednesday at my appointment for sure. I'm really praying hard I won't have to be induced since there are so many drawbacks to taking that road. Obviously, as long as he's safe and happy then I'm happy, but it would be so much better if my body could just go into labor naturally without having to go through all the medication and interventions that are involved in inductions. The only happy thing about being induced is that would mean my mom and dad would be here for the birth since they arrive on August 5th! So fun. Meanwhile, I'm enjoying the last few days of just Andrew and I. Funny to think we've had 10 months of our marriage alone and we'll be at least 40, probably more, the next time it's just the two of us again. God has crazy plans that I never would have guessed in a million years. But they're perfect!

"For I know the plans I have for you..."

Make a list of prayers, worries, practical things you need, etc. and put it aside for a few months. Then look back and see how God has answered them. It's really amazing and a good exercise in humility. I made a list months ago when we first found out we were pregnant of practical items we would need for the baby, house and other things. I remember having a lot of anxiety that we wouldn't be able to get everything we needed in time and it was extremely hard for me to put that list in the Lord's hands. I just got finished looking over that list and realized that God has provided almost every single item one way or another. The couple things we haven't received are not near as important as I thought at the time and we are just fine without them. I have no idea why I insist on worrying myself sick instead of just trusting the Lord to take care of us. He always does.

Patience is a virtue

We are SO grateful that baby is doing well. He probably weighs a little over 5 lbs. now, which is small for gestational age, but that's what we expected! His abdomen and femur measure just fine and he is growing beautifully. Now that I am full term (37 weeks and 3 days) it is getting very difficult to be patient. So right off the bat, that's now our main prayer request. I've always had a very hard time waiting for exciting things like this and trusting the Lord's timing. It's so hard not to get excited and turn that into frustration that he's not here yet, even though it's still plenty early. It's also difficult for me mentally because I've been having pretty regular contractions which never turn into real labor. So I have to talk myself into believing that they're probably nothing every time they start and just wait until they get painful enough that I know they are the real thing.

But enough whining - we are SO happy that our sweet little guy will be here within the next few weeks and God will bring him at the absolute perfect moment. His birthday is set in stone; we just have to wait for it! And everything is ready for him! Car seat installed, diapers in the drawer, onesies all washed up, etc. :) It's so fun to watch Andrew get pumped to be a daddy as I'm also looking so forward to finally being a mommy. That's what I've wanted ever since I can remember. I get anxious and nervous about it from time to time, but I know the Lord will show me what to do every step of the way just like He always has. It's easy to start thinking that we're on our own with this whole parenting thing, but He always reminds me that I can do nothing apart from Him. That's so comforting to know right now.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
Psalm 139:13-14


"As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things."
Ecclesiastes 11:5


"For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently."
Romans 8:24-25

Doc Appointment

A quick little update:

Had a doctor's appointment yesterday that went well except for a couple issues. Apparently, on the last ultrasound I had a couple weeks ago, the baby's femur and abdomen circumference measured quite small for gestational age. This could just be the way he is, but it could also signal some problems with the placenta or another unknown issue. In my second trimester ultrasound he was 50th percentile and he's now dropped to 17th percentile, which concerned my doctor (and Andrew and I). So the next step is I'll be having another ultrasound tomorrow morning to see if he is still small and showing signs of not growing like he should. If that's the case, a few things may come of that. Probably more tests to see what's going on with the placenta, possibly delivering at another nearby hospital with a neonatal intensive care unit (the naval hospital does not have one) and most likely coming in twice a week until delivery to be monitored for 20 minutes or so to make sure the baby is still doing alright.

It's funny, when I used to hear about other parents dealing with little issues like this throughout their pregnancy, I was sympathetic, but a part of me often thought they were just being paranoid. I've discovered it's completely different when it's your own kid. Even if there is a 1% chance that they might not be alright, it's hard not to focus on that 1% and want to demand the attention of every doctor in the area to figure out what's wrong. Prayers for me (and Andrew, but this is more my department) to stay worry-free and trust the Lord on this would be appreciated. Also that the doctors can figure out what's wrong, if anything, quickly.

"Children are a blessing from the Lord... remember that at 3 AM."

All three of us are still doing well, although we've made quite a few trips to the labor deck over the past few weeks. I've had some pains and strange symptoms that the nurses have been concerned enough about that they've wanted me to come in to get them checked out. A few visits have resulted in putting me on antibiotics, but I've mostly left with instructions to rest and drink as much water as humanly possible. We had a moment of concern yesterday when the baby's heart rate dropped too low during a contraction, but they continued to monitor him and he looked completely fine. So, we're thankful for a healthy baby, but I'm definitely getting more impatient to pop this guy out!

Andrew and I are going to a Phillies/Mariners game tomorrow, which should be so fun. Obviously, Andrew is much more excited about seeing the Phils than I am, but I'm also very aware of the fact that this will probably be one of our last times "out on the town" just the two of us for a long time. :) Plus, I haven't been to a baseball game in years!

Andrew did survive his camping trip with all of his buddies last month and I had a wonderful time in Charlotte seeing Jared get married! It was also so great to see some family members that I hadn't seen in so many years. I got lots of good time with my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles and Joel and his family. The hardest part is always saying goodbye, especially to those I know I won't see for a long time. Being away from family is always a difficult thing, but the thought of our little boy being away from his grandparents, aunts and uncles is a little much sometimes.


Happy Father's Day to the best dad there is AND Happy Birthday to the best nephew there is! I can't believe he's going to be 4!!